July 20th, 2010 by admin
In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England
and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I
see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed Building
Regulations Approval.
I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler
My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for
building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site even
though in my view it is a temporary structure.
We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.
Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future
costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing
of it.
Getting the wood was another problem.
All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a
Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the
owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority
ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental
impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
Commission on how many BMEs I'm supposed to hire for my building team.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm
trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish
this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not
going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The British Government are already in the process of
doing it."


July 16th, 2010 by admin

I am now pleased to announce,that i am a member of a 120 year old organisation called the Institute Of Carpenters,

This now enables me to add the letters LIOC after my name,and wil soon be MIOC or FIOC…so watch this space.

The Forge

July 16th, 2010 by admin

The Forge is now officially finished,all signed off by building control,and being lived in right now,i hope the owners are happy with the work.

There are 3 folders of pictures in my portfolio,a Before and After…and in the before album is a sub album of all the inbetween work as i forgot to take a load of pictures of the finisheed place,but you will be able to see exactley what we got upto…take a look,it contains probabley one of my favourite pieces i have ever built,and i am well pleased with it.

The Forge

January 16th, 2010 by admin

On January the 18th we start work on a grade 2 listed building,it is a full refurbishment of the whole property,check back for pictures as there are going to be alot of befores and afters.

New Site

October 18th, 2009 by admin site now live!